It’s your last hour at work and you’ve already decided to tie one on. You’re still remembering the effects of the whiskey/wine/Long Island Tea bender you went on a few days ago, so for tonight you’ve decided to stick with beer. Or perhaps you’ve realized that you’ve been stuck in a rut with your brew choices and it’s time to broaden your horizons. The usual gastropubs, beer gardens and craft bars don’t sound appealing. Maybe they’re playing live music like it’s a Van Halen tribute band. Perhaps your wallet can’t handle the repeated stress you put on it whenever you’re trying the latest barrel-aged releases or imported Lambics. Or maybe you’re 41 (like me), it’s a weeknight that isn’t anyone’s birthday and there’s absolutely no reason to be out at a bar, even one of your favorites. So it’s a night of drinking at home, but you don’t want to raid your Precious (your Beer Cave, Bat Cave, or simply “beer closet” if you aren’t very imaginative).
When it comes time to decide on what to drink, however, how many of us have been burned by investing a hard-earned $15 on a six pack of beer that has underwhelmed? How many have purchased that whale of a bomber that wasn’t what you had hoped, or about which you completely disagreed with the general consensus of Beer Advocate? These are real problems for craft beer drinkers looking to stay on top of beer trends, taste what’s fresh and new, or simply have an ill-advised night of lightweight self destruction. I’m here to recommend that you turn to a jewel of the craft beer world that is often overlooked: the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure of craft beer, which comes with a free side of the possibility of making some mistakes, which you’ll deal with in the morning. If you aren’t going out, the Build-Your-Own 6-pack is a great idea that many tend to neglect.
The premise of the Build-Your-Own 6-pack, for those of you who haven’t seen it in action, is that you go to a store that sells beer, take an empty 6-pack holder (they offer this, you don’t create one) and fill it with whatever random beers are available at that particular store. Many stores, particularly of the grocer variety, tend to repeatedly relegate the unwanted castoffs of their inventory to the Build-Your-Own 6-pack end cap. This Island of Misfit Toys is typically filled with seasonal fruit-flavored dessert beers, variations on easily-digestible ciders and watered-down versions of what you would typically call “beer”. If you’ve found a decent bottle shop, however, you may be lucky enough to find that they’ve adopted their own version of this sacred beer practice and the beers are some that you’d actually aspire to drink. If this is the case, your destiny on this fated weeknight has been determined.
This bottle shop isn’t like the Pig or your local gas station. They have the Good Stuff. They have Founders, Sixpoint, Terrapin, Mikkeller, Prairie and a plethora of local brewery beers. Rather than looking for the least objectionable candidates for drinking and ending up with more than one of the same beer, you’ll actually spend minutes…MINUTES trying to determine what you’ll be taking home to induce greyout. In some cases, your bottle shop will allow you to break into any six- or four-pack of beer as long as it isn’t sealed in cardboard packaging. One of my favorite places to buy beer will even give you a discount if you build your own sixer of beer! Surely such witchcraft cannot be denied.
Now that you’ve decided to invest your time, money, weeknight and limited brain cells to your own personal craft beer smorgasbord, I recommend a mildly-organized approach to such debauchery. You can go with the ol’ Skinny-to-Heavy “Pilsner to Stout” array, starting with lighter beers and working your way into higher gravity and ABVs. This can be taxing on the palate and isn’t always viable, however, so I prefer a stylistic theme. Go with Pale Ales and IPAs, or sours and farmhouse ales, or my personal favorite: A Night of Black Blood of the Earth, i.e. browns, porters and stouts.
Best of all, you’ll find that the option of enjoying beer in this manner is very economical, however unforgiving. Think of the time that you’d otherwise have spent trying to get the hipster bartender’s attention, only to find out the beer you were aiming for just “kicked” (Sorry, bro). Think of the fact that the money you spent on your own Unholy Alcoholic Amalgamation in the form of the Build-Your-Own 6-pack would have only gotten you two or three drafts at your favorite craft beer bar. Most importantly, you had a productive night of drinking beer at home, safely surrounded by your own video game consoles, relatively clean bathroom and an endless stash of ramen noodles, not needing to sober up in order to drive home or subject yourself to the seemingly impossible high standards of Uber drivers.
This, my friends, is the wonder of the Build-Your-Own 6-pack, a craft beer lover’s self-imposed Pandora’s Box and a route that, once traveled, will surely become a staple in your weekly beer repertoire, provided you find the right purveyor. Go fourth, my friends, and be sated.*
*I’d like to take a moment to tell you all not to enjoy in excess to the point where you endanger your health, your employment or your family life, and to always, ALWAYS use appropriate glassware.
– Beer Wise